December & New Year

Well I haven't written here since April and I have been trying to use my other blog more regularly. 

Jennifer's Thoughts and Rambling | 

http://jenniferdawn73.wordpress.com/

I actually did update that blog in the last couple months. 

I may be back to do a recap of the year here. We shall see...

"Highest Calling"...really

REALLY really, sometimes things are said that just seem to cut straight to the quick. You know they most likely weren't said with that intention in the least, but it doesn't change how it hurts.

This happened to me today, I know I won't be able to give an exact quote so know this is as close as I can remember & almost exactly what "I" heard...

The highest calling is to raise the children God has given you in the way...

I don't remember the end of the statement cause that's about the point when I began trying to not sob uncontrollably in the middle of everything.

Not only had this week been really rough in other areas of my life. I have been very discouraged,  feeling like a failure because I'm not taking care of my home & husband as I should.

The statement was followed up by a good reminder that the thoughts of inadequacy are not from my Heavenly Father and He has made me for wonderful things.

However then you add in the struggle I have constantly, the everyday battle to be content and this was a recipe for uncontrollable sobbing and running...almost, didn't quite hit light speed...out of the door after church. I didn't say bye to any of the people I should have or do any of my responsibilities because I didn't really want to answer the question, "Are you alright?" Cause yes I am and no I'm not.

Now dealing with not only the emotions of the morning but the guilt for not doing what I "should" have after church because I wasn't ready to talk to anyone. I don't really know what to do, it's almost Mother's Day and this is one of the hardest times for me it seems. I would just like to crawl into bed for a few days, no weeks and then come out when its over and move on. That, however isn't an option. So I go on asking the Lord for strength, still wondering why this has to be so hard. Knowing that He has a great plan, it feels like it would be better to know what His plan is. However, maybe it wouldn't be and I just need to walk on in faith believing that He has it under control.

I want to share a couple other blog posts. The first one is a blog my sister-in-law shared, and it is SO true!

Can You Imagine - Lauren Casper

The second is a blog post I wrote in 2010 ~ still so true!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day - Jennifer Hall

I'll try to write again soon, I don't really know what closure to put here. I would love it if I were a more eloquent writer and could beautifully express my feelings but instead I just put them here...for whoever happens by to see them......

January recap, February goals & wow it's March

January seems like it just started yesterday and now it's the sixth day of March. How did that happen so quickly?

January was a busy month, trying to remember what all happened, I feel like my brain is Swiss cheese sometimes.

I wanted to take a moment and set some goals for February. Last month I set some goals for the year, I really think I need to set some monthly goals so I can meet my goals for the year.

Fitness:
I made it most of January working out at least 3 days a week. I would like to make it at least 3 days a week this month as well! Also increase my running to at least 3-5 miles per week. Bring down my 5k time.

Finances:
I would like to balance the checkbook every week not just once a month. Pay all bills on time! Pay myself back for the late fees!!!!

Faith:
Attend bible study on Tuesdays. Prepare for Sunday worship by Thursday, be prayed up and ready for practice. Find and read a book about ministry. Copy the rest if James chapter 1. Post weekly to youth Facebook page.

Family:
Plan a weekly night with my husband!

That seems like a lot if goals. I feel like its what I need to do!

----

Well it's March, not all of my goals for February were met. But headway was made. Still going to keep those goals for March.

The main reason I'm posting today is I need to say something somewhere and here seems to be the best place. If you read this blog you either happened upon it by chance or you are someone who cares an awful lot about me. So... Here it goes, I'm not pregnant again and I'm still not happy about it. So please stop asking, please stop telling me you had dreams I was, please just leave me alone! If I get pregnant I'll let you know when I'm ready to tell you.

When you tell me you've had a dream, or you just know I'm pregnant even though I know better it makes it so hard for me to be content with where I am! Yes, I want a baby. Yes, I'm getting older and I wonder every day if its going to happen. But, YES I'm trying to just live my life and trust God's timing for my life, and no matter how hard I try, when I'm told things like that it makes it so hard to be content!

So I know you care, I know you love me but please just pray and let me tell you when it happens.

Thanks, I don't mean to be rude I just needed to say that.

Have a good day.

January 4, 2013 Fitness

I spent the last couple days working on fitness goals for this year and still don't know that I completely have them nailed down. However that is the nice thing about goals, I can adjust them as needed and add to them as I meet them :-)

I have truly enjoyed this fitness journey I am on, and hope to continue to see more progress as the year and the journey continues. I plan to try to sit down and blog more at a later date about how this journey began and where I'm headed. 

However for now I should post my goals since my window of time for the computer is coming to a close.

Fitness Goals for 2013

Handstand Pushup/Pushups

(Successful) Ring Dip/s

Pistol Squats

30 Minute 5k

Begin (find time for) 1/2 Marathon Training

Butterfly Pull Ups

Muscle Up

Olympic Lifting Goals

325 Dead lift 

130 Clean

100 Snatch

OH Squat

Bench Press

It's a lot of goals, however I still feel like I'm forgetting something! 

Well it's going to be a GREAT year and I'm excited to see where I end up.

Excuse the shoe...oops...didn't notice that was there when the picture was taken.

This was my Dead Lift max of 300lb on 12/31 here's to big lifts and heavy squats in 2013!

January 2, 2013 Faith & Friendships

Yesterday started a new year. A new beginning, one of 365 new beginnings we will have this year!

Trying to keep my posts focused the first few days of the year. Today I want to focus on resolutions regarding faith and focus on God for this year.

I plan to read through the Bible again this year and spend more time in prayer and Bible study and also building relationships with friends around the Bible and around things of faith.

So to list my resolutions regarding faith and focus on God this year:

Read through the Bible
Complete a Bible study
Connect with friends on a monthly basis
Create opportunities to share Jesus
Spend the time in prayer daily
Fast once a week

This list to be added to at any time, thank you for helping me stay accountable and for reading along with me this year as I continue to work towards staying close to the Lord and becoming closer to him all at the same time.

January 1, 2013, Each Day a New Beginning

Today begins a new year, and I've realized every day is a new start.

I will be spending this week, these first few days of 2013 writing and evaluating goals for this year.

One of the goals I know I will have for this year is to spend more time with family.

Some of the areas of goals I want to record are:

Finances
Fitness
Faith

Just realized that I was able to get them all to start with the same letter, silly I know.

Anyway, I will be back.

Hope you've had a Happy New Year!